Haiti- Renovation Church 2018

Where do I even begin. Let me preface that this is going to be a long, emotional, and maybe slightly confusing post. I have a lot of emotions and I'm still trying to process them all.

A lot of our team has said they don't have the words to capture their experience. Let me take my stab at it.

Haiti was my fourth international mission trip. I thought I knew what I was going into, I didn't. I was stupid to think I could anticipate the amount of poverty, darkness, and illness that is Haiti. There was no way I could have expected the sheer chaos and brokenness in this place. Haiti is like no other place I have been. There is no basis of comparison to Guatemala or Mexico. It is truly Satan's playground.

God used Haiti to wreck my heart and force me to my knees over and over again through the week. He broke my heart for the people who lack access to basic medical care. He broke my heart for the babies who look like they're newborns, but are actually a year and a half. He broke my heart for the people there. So desperate for hope. Desperate for help. Desperate for our Savior. The people of Haiti need Jesus.

I am so convicted by the simple reality that I am so selfish. I am so impatient, discontent, greedy, entitled. I am everything that God calls me away from. It is hard to be anything but these things in a culture that praises them. But, for that exact reason I think God commends our obedience even more. I know he does. He sees us in this world and everything it offers choosing him instead.

One of my favorite parts of this week by far was getting to know my team. I could say so much about each one of them. Their hearts to serve amazed me continuously. I was reading in Romans this morning about how not one of the members in the body of Christ have the same function. As I reflect on my experience in Haiti, this couldn't be more true. Sure, we all did similar things, but I saw each of my team members using their gifts in a different way during the week. God is so amazing. He knows how our hearts are made and what they're made for.

On Sunday, I was asked to share my testimony of the trip and let's just say I couldn't seem to find the words. I had the privilege of meeting Meredith Price, a missionary, in Haiti. Meredith is 20 years old and successfully runs a malnutrition clinic in a third world country. This is what really got to me. When I was 15 years old I went on my first international mission trip to Guatemala. I experienced my first calling to missions there. More specifically, God had placed on my heart to be a missionary nurse. Of course, at 15 I didn't know what that really looked like in my future. I just knew that my heart ached for it. Here I am at 19 years old and I got to live my dream. I was a part of the team that worked at the medical clinic on our trip. I am a nursing major about to enter my first semester of the program in the Spring and my heart is so full. God is so good. I had no idea going into the trip that I would get to go to the clinic, let alone be giving shots and dressing wounds. Only through God was this experience possible. The whole time I spent at the clinic God kept saying to me, "You belong here." I felt it pressed into my heart over and over. I saw myself there, in Haiti, working alongside Meredith and her parents at that clinic and I felt at home. It was so overwhelming and so clear.

So where do I go from here? Well I am excited to share with you, I have begun the application process for an internship in Haiti. The internship is with the Price family, Meredith's parents. I would stay with them for 1-3 months! I am asking for your prayers as I go through this lengthy application process. I feel confident that this is an obedient step in the right direction. I haven't stopped thinking about Haiti from the moment I left and I have to do something about it.

My pastor, Kyle, preached this Sunday about parenting. It was all good, but what really spoke to my was when he said he knows a lot of people who love God a little, but not a lot of people who love God wholeheartedly. I broke when I heard him say this. It sat on my heart like a brick. I often catch myself thinking about what I look like to others. I think, "I look christian enough", " I look like I love God enough." But after this Sunday I can no longer be satisfied with that. Christ gave his life for us and he requires nothing less than that from us. So, applying for this internship is one of the first steps I am taking to surrender completely to him.

If you read all of this, congratulations. Here are some pictures that I had the privilege of taking throughout the week. Hopefully they can make up for what I truly don't have the words for. God bless.